


Perverted Naruto

by Rycott (mastafrooper)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-02-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2017-10-07 13:07:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/65433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mastafrooper/pseuds/Rycott
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bunch of funny shorts about a Naruto raised from childhood by Jiraiya.  Now with more perversion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A New Pervert

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to steal ideas or even some of this work. Just throw me some credit and a link so I can read it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bunch of shorts about a Naruto raised from childhood by Jiraiya.

**Perverted Naruto - A New Perversion  
**

AN: These are just a bunch of snippets and stuff I wrote down when they got stuck in my head at one point or another. Not really planning on writing a full serious story cause that takes way to much effort but if someone wants to pick up what I've done just give me a yell so I can read it. Who knows I might even write more scenes for this at some point but that little itch seems to have been scratched by now.

* * *

**The beginning**

Jiraiya wasn't really sure why he'd done it. Sure the kid was the son of his student who had just given up his life for the Konoha Village. That wasn't the reason he had decided to take the boy in though. Old man Sarutobi would surely look out for him with the help of the village, especially with the Yondaime's request that the boy be looked at not like the container of the Kyuubi but as a hero that protects the village. He never really did figure out why he had decided to take the kid but he was ever so glad he did. Apparently the ladies loved men who were good with kids.

* * *

**5 years later**

Jiraiya had never been as proud of any of his students as he was right now. Naruto had progressed faster than he could have ever imagined, sucking up techniques like none ever had before him. And finally at the tender age of 5 Naruto had completed his first solo mission. His mission you ask? To peep unassisted into the ladies side of the hot springs.

* * *

**A few months later**

Naruto continued to surprise Jiraiya. Just a few short months ago he had made his first solo peep and now he had come up with a new way to peep. He decided the mind of a child truly was a great thing as the new technique allowed for a superior peeping session and yet was so simple he wondered how he had never thought of it before. A simple application of the Kage Bunshin. So simple yet so brilliant. By allowing the clone to do the peeping if discovered the clone simply vanishes and no beating is taken and yet all the memories of the peeping are retained. Jiraiya wished he had thought of it all those years ago when he had been caught peeping on Tsunade.

* * *

**Zabuza &amp; Haku Arc**

**First meeting with Haku**

Naruto was at the present moment throwing up into some bushes. He had been so sure and his instincts had never failed him before. He'd told everyone he was going to train but he really just wanted to have a peaceful nap. He had awoken to a cute little thing kneeling over him and proceeded to have a conversation while subtlety checking her out. Not much in the chest department he noticed but she may have bound them while she was out collecting herbs. A real shame in his opinion if she did. After an odd little conversation she started to leave but not before mentioning that she was really a boy.

Naruto's thoughts caused him to retch violently again as he realised he had been checking out a guy. Why had his instincts let him down? He curled up in a ball and started to sob. He felt dirty, so very dirty.

**Fight on the bridge**

Naruto was a bit late to the fight on the bridge. They couldn't really blame him could they? He was a lover not a fighter and after saving the ever so fine Tsunami from being kidnapped they couldn't hold him holding her in a comforting gesture against him could they?

As he arrived at the bridge he noticed some weird dome that looked like it was made of mirrors. Shrugging it off he realised Sasuke was lying in the middle of it looking like a pin cushion and moved to help him.

'Can't let a team mate die' he thought to himself. 'Heh, who knows, being all cool and coming to his rescue might get me into that little cutie Sakura's good books.'

Haku was surprised when Naruto all of a sudden just appeared in the middle of the dome of ice right next to Sasuke.

Naruto bent down and checked Sasuke's pulse. 'Still alive. Good.' He thought to himself before looking up noticing the mass of reflections of a single person in what he could now see were ice mirrors. Glancing closer his senses started to tingle.

'This... this person is that Haku' he thought to himself trying to suppress a retch. Looking closer he noticed that he wasn't wearing the chocker he was before and his discovery made him growl when he noticed the lack of Adams Apple.

"You!" he growled out loud taking Haku back with his tone. "You really are a girl! You made me think you were a guy and that I was starting to swing the other way! I'll never forgive you for this!"

Naruto's head was down and he was starting to shake. Red chakra started to poor from him swirling around him like a tornado. His face took on a more menacing look as his eyes flickered slightly before settling into a red colour.

Haku didn't have time to register what happened before Naruto had launched himself off the ground and smashed through one of her ice mirrors. Realising she was close to where he was Haku attempted to move to another mirror at a bit safer distance from the enraged boy. She wasn't expecting to have her arm caught as she moved though and barely registered the chakra powered punch crashing into her masked face before she went flying from the dome.

Managing to drag herself from the ground, her shattered mask slipping from her face she saw the infuriated boy charging at her ready to deliver the finishing blow. "Zabuza-san. I can't compete with this boy. I'm sorry" she whispered before closing her eyes. When the punch still hadn't arrived a few moments later she carefully opened her eyes again to see the boy just standing there staring at her. His eyes back to their deep blue colour again.

"Why did you not finish me off?" she asked. "I am no longer any use to Zabuza-san so I am better off dead."

Naruto seemed to debate his answer for a few moments before replying. "With the mask off I remembered how cute you were and I just can't hit such a cute girl" he spoke with a huge grin on his face.

A blush rose on her cheeks before she was distracted. "Zabuza-san!" she screamed before disappearing towards Kakashi and Zabuza's fight.

Kakashi and Zabuza's fight was at its finale. With both Zabuza's arms out of commission he had no way of defending himself from the Copy Ninja's only original attack, the Chidori. A flicker of movement was all he noticed before his eyes widened as someone with long hair was now standing in front of him, arms stretched ready to take the blow.

Kakashi and Haku's eyes widened even more than Zabuza's as both realised the Copy Ninja's attack had been stopped just mere millimetres from Haku's chest by the hand of one Naruto Uzumaki. He was holding Kakashi by the wrist stopping him from ploughing the Chidori through Haku's chest.

"Now Kakashi-sensei, if anyone gets to feel her chest it's going to be me after she made me think I was checking out a guy!"

* * *

**After the three way Sannin battle at the baths on the way back to Konoha.**

Naruto couldn't believe it. It was unimaginable. They were real! Dear gods were they real! Naruto could hardly believe his eyes but Tsunade's breasts really were that large. It had been a long time since Naruto had been surprised while peeping but Tsunade had done it. They were absolutely magnificent in their giant loveliness. Moving his eyes to the side a bit he realised he could not discount Shizune either. While no were near as large as Tsunade they were magnificent in their own right.

The snapping of Tsunade's head in his direction told him he'd been caught. 'She's good' he thought. Many years of watching Jiraiya had taught Naruto many things and that was running really should be used as a last option if you had better escape techniques at your disposal. So when Tsunade followed by Shizune stormed up to his hiding spot, now with towels wrapped around them, he prepared his secret escape technique.

Grabbing Naruto by his collar Tsunade growled at him. "Just what do you think you're doing boy!" She was surprised when said boys eyes started to tear up and it looked like he would start crying any second. Her eyes softened some at his face.

'Step one successful!' Naruto giggled to himself internally. 'Now for step two.'

"But Tsunade-baachan, Jiraiya-sensei says that peeping on pretty women is the best way to show them that they are pretty. And you and Shizune-neechan are very pretty so I thought if I peeked on you some that you would cheer up because you went through some tough times." His academy award performance ended when one tear slipped out of his eye and trickled down his cheek. Both women's hearts melted at the sight.

"It's ok Naruto-kun." Shizune whispered as she led him away from Tsunade who was stalking towards Jiraiya's room. "Tsunade just wants to have a word with your sensei."

'Step two successful' Naruto grinned internally. 'Deflected the attack onto the old man and get hugged by a hottie in a towel. Who is the man? Yes, I am the man!'

* * *

**Gennin Exam: Fight with the 3 Sound Gennin**

"Phew" a voice spoke into Kin's ear "That Orochimaru is one twisted prick yeah?"

Trying to control her gasp she spun around to come face to face with one Naruto Uzumaki who was sporting a shit eating grin. Leaping out of melee distance and landing in a defensive stance she tried to find words to reply to him.

"Wha? How the hell did you get behind me?" She did finally manage to squeak out.

Naruto's grin never changed as he answered. "Why I woke up and decided to take a stroll. I really didn't feel like getting in Sasuke's way while he's going all physco on your team mate so I spotted a cute girl and decided to come for a chat."

Kin's mouth opened and closed a few times while she tried to think of a reply. When it finally clicked in her mind that he had called her cute a flush starting to creep across her face. When she still hadn't replied a small frown started forming on Naruto's face.

"You're not after Sasuke as well are you? Geez! What's with girls these days I mean sure he's got the whole quite broody thing down but you would think the whole physcotic thing with weird marks all over him would turn the girls off!"

Kin finally managed to find her voice and managed to stutter out a reply. "Ahhh... no, not liking Sasuke while he brutalizes my teammate."

She blinked and found Naruto standing next to her with his arm wrapped around her shoulders and his shit eating grin back.

"So... wanna get some ramen with me after this?"

* * *

**Zabuza &amp; Haku Arc**

**After saving Tsunami from Gato's men.**

Naruto scooped up the obviously still shaken Tsunami and carried her inside after Inari had raced off to gather the village.

"You were very brave Tsunami-san" Naruto whispered softly as he set her down on the couch before sliding in next to her leaning her head down onto his shoulder. As she snuggled in a little deeper he struggled hard to repress the grin that wanted to burst onto his face at the feel of her rather nice breasts brushing against his side.

'Score one for the master!' shouted in his head as he gave himself mental congratulations.

"Thank you" was the whispered reply he received.

They sat in companionable silence for awhile before Naruto turned to her slightly. "I don't mean to sound rude Tsunami-san but did you know you're very beautiful."

A giggle burst from Tsunami's mouth at his cheesy line. "Well aren't you a charmer? Trying to pick up a lady twice your age."

The grin Naruto had been repressing was finally allowed to escape as one of his hands reached up to rub the back of his head. "Well what can I say? My sensei was a pervert so I tried to the opposite of whatever he did. I guess I still picked up some of his bad habits."

Tsunami continued to giggle lightly as she stood up. "You better get to the bridge and check on your friends."

"A good idea" Naruto mumbled as he made a quick check of his gear before turning to leave. Just before he exited the door a hand snatched his arm and swung him back around slamming his face in between a luscious set of breasts as she bent down and kissed him on the forehead.

"Take care!" Tsunami spoke with a light flush and the biggest chesire like grin on her face.

Naruto swiftly headed out the door after he was released mumbling as he reached down to readjust himself.

'One to Tsunami, Minus One million Naruto Uzumaki. Damn teases!"

* * *

**Just before 2** **nd** ** part of Chuunin Exam**

"You will be able to experience why this place is called the Forest of Death." Anko was grinning madly as she spoke to the gathered Genin hopefuls.

Naruto of course wasn't really paying any attention. He of course had been around his perverted sensei so long that he had started to pick up some of his bad habits, some of them really quite inappropriate at times. For instance as Anko was speaking he was too busy staring at her breasts with his mouth hanging open and some drool starting to dribble out the corner of his mouth. The worst part though was he started to giggle quite loudly drawing attention to himself.

Anko had a short temper at the best of times but when she saw the idiotic look on the boys face who was obviously staring at her tits it managed to set her temper off even faster than normal. With a flick of her wrist she had a kunai in here hand and was flinging it at the boys head.

Naruto of course had his sensei's weakness for women and managed to get nicked by the edge of the blade as it passed by. The sting of being cut managed to wake him from his daze as he noticed a presence appear behind him. He felt a hand come up and caress the right side of his face as another moved up his left taking a bit of blood with it.

"Boys like you die the fastest" Anko whispered lightly into his ear. "After spilling out all the red blood I love all over the place."

Naruto seemed stunned for a few moments before he formulated his reply, one of his now trademark shit-eating grins appearing on his face. "Well I've never really been into the whole blood play scene but for someone as smoking hot as you I'll give it a try!"

* * *

**Could be anytime**

Naruto couldn't believe it, his masterpiece was finally complete. He closed his eyes and started cackling madly to himself at just the thought of what this could mean. It could revolutionise ninja life, especially if said ninjas needed to be away for long periods of time on missions. It could increase the productivity of these ninjas by over fifty-percent, if not more. He decided he really was a genius.

Finally managing to get his laughing under control he opened his eyes to look at his masterpiece. There standing in front of him was one of his Kage Bunshin transformed by the technique he now dubbed 'Oiroke no Jutsu'.

"Now to test it out!"

His giddiness was halted slightly at a thought before he shook it off.

"It's not gay, it's just masturbation!"

* * *

**Could be anytime**

Kyuubi was content. That wasn't to say that he was happy, not with the whole being sealed away thing and all, but he was content. He at least had the fortune to be sealed into someone who took after his own heart. 'Hell' he had thought to himself many time, he could have been sealed into some loud annoying brat.

The reason he was content was pretty simple in the end. Not many people knew this but Kyuubi had a bit of a fetish for human women. Just something about their lovely curves always got to him and he had really no idea why. That's not to say he didn't like other demons, hell there was that one time he came up behind that little hottie female fox demon, grabbed her hips and just... well that is another story.

Of course even fewer people knew the reason Kyuubi had attacked Konoha. It really was a mistake on his part but in his rage he hadn't even realised he was lashing out. See Kyuubi was up to his normal habits when visiting the mortal realm, he was peeping on women. This day he had once again changed into a human form and found himself a spot with a lovely view and was just watching his day away. Unfortunately he must have gotten a bit carried away and one of the better kunoichis had spotted him. The beating was pretty bad but he had taken it like any normal pervert would, curled up in a ball with his hands over his head pleading for mercy.

What had finally set him into a murderous rage though was a low blow. One of those deliciously sexy bitches had just wound up and unloaded a kick fair into his precious parts. He didn't really remember what happened much after that but when he finally returned to his senses he had already been trapped inside the blasted seal.

'It could be worse' he thought to himself. 'I get all the enjoyment now and the boy has to deal with the whole _relationship_ crap'.


	2. The Pervert Strikes Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now with more perversion.

**Perverted Naruto II - The Pervert Strikes Back**

AN: Oh hi guys. Whats going on in here. It's been awhile... like over 6 years. I'd like to give you a good excuse but I'm lazy. I played lots of WoW for a time then I was catching up on games I didn't play while doing that. Plus a whole heap of procrastination.

I also haven't written anything since then either so I'm pretty rusty and you'll be able to tell. Anyway Naruto has been pretty serious lately and I've been watching/reading High School DxD and Maken Ki! so I was like "Need more perverted Naruto!" I've got a couple of more snippets in my head after this lot but we'll see how things go.

Oh... No real order again... just write as the pop into my head.

* * *

**Naruto Surpasses All Other Eye Techniques!**

He was finally complete. After many dedicated years of research, trial and error he had created his forbidden eye technique to surpass all other eye techniques. The Byakugan's ability to see three hundred and sixty degrees and to see the Tenketsu along the chakra pathway system? Useless before his new eyes. The Sharingan's clarity of perception, memorisation of techniques and almost ridiculous usage of genjustu? Not even close to the pure awesomeness that his new eyes bought forth. The Rinnegan's ability to use all forms of nature transformation and even control life and death? Powerless before his ultimate eyes.

Naruto began to cackle like a madman, all his hard work had finally paid off. He hadn't even bothered to name this fearsome new eye technique, he didn't even want other people to know of its existence. If knowledge of its existence and capabilities were to become known it could make him the target of many people. Some would attempt to steal its secrets, others to attempt to end his life for its creation and stop the spread of such a fearsome weapon. As Naruto began to open his eyes females around the Elemental Nations began to quiver in fear as he began to plot its unleashing upon an ignorant world.

The mad cackling ceased as a perverted leer stretched across his face, he hadn't seen his 'baachan' in a while.

**15 minutes later.**

Naruto leaped through the Hokage's window, activating his new eye technique while calling out to Tsunade.

"Yo Tsunade-baachan…" He trailed off, almost freezing stiff at what he saw.

Tsunade was leaning against the wall while the ANBU Yugao Uzuki was standing at attention giving her a report on some mission she had just returned from. It was at this moment when Naruto discovered the weakness of his newly created eye technique.

"As big as I remember..." he trailed off after glancing at Tsunade before his vision moved to Yugao.

His eyes widended fractionally as she filled his vision.

"ANBU armor doesn't do her justice." He mumbled to himself before falling backwards out the windows with a trail of blood trickling out his nose.

His new eye that penetrated only the clothes of ladies was a terrifying technique indeed. He would need more training he decided as he hit the deck below the Hokage's windows.

Inside Tsunade and Yugao just looked at each other questioningly.

"What the…?"

* * *

**Pein's Attack**

Nagato blinked as he felt five of his path's connections disappear in an instant. The jolt from the shock of this happening almost made him lose his connection to his last path as well. He focused his attention on this remaining path so he could figure out what had gone wrong.

While Nagato could see everything from all his paths at once and even get feedback from their other senses he normally focused most of his attention on his Deva path. Yahiko's path. Subconsciously it was his way of letting Yahiko to continue living.

When he fully focused on his remaining path, the Animal Path, his mouth fell open in shock causing Konan to look at him strangely.

The loss of his paths had happened so fast that he hadn't been able to see it coming or even figure out what had happened. He was now getting data from his Animal Path and he couldn't believe what was happening to it currently. His five other paths lay unmoving on the ground with their control rods removed and no visible damage to any of the bodies while a pair of arms were wrapped around his Animal Path's stomach trading it's arms to its body with surprising strength.

"So I've been training with the Toads. Just imagine what my tongue could do to you now!"

A very feminine squeak emanated from his animal path as his current target was whispering things into its ears.

"I'm a guy!" his path managed to squeeze out in a cute tone of voice. Both Nagato's and his path's bodies stiffened as hands began to glide up its body before cupping something it shouldn't have.

"If you're a guy where do I get a set of these?" Naruto teased gently into the paths ear again causing it and Nagato to shiver as it was spoken with a light breath gently blowing into its ear.

Nagato's mind shutdown at the sensory overload from being fondled and seduced by a guy.

Konan who was beside Nagato as this point just looked at him confusedly as he was mumbling to himself.

"I'm and Guy!" and "Where are you touching me?!" His voice seemed oddly feminine as he spoke for some reason as well.

* * *

**Pein, Konan &amp; Naruto Meet Face to Face.**

Nagato couldn't face Naruto. He had is eye's glancing downward and a light blush on his cheeks. Naruto though it would have been cute if it had been on a female. It's a shame the Animal Path he was holding wasn't the one looking like that.

He glanced across to the other occupant of the room. It was a very attractive female from the small part he could see. The Akatsuki cloaks really didn't do the female form any favors. Grinning to himself internally he activated his most deadly technique. His as of yet unnamed eye technique.

He tried to stop the widening of his eyes but was unable to stop them from moving some as he saw what was below the Akatsuki cloak. The female in the room had a killer body, one of the best he had seen. And with Jiraiya as his mentor for so many years he had seen more than a few.

Naruto slowly deactivated his eye technique so he could concentrate better and yet made sure to burn this figure into his mind.

"So…" he drawled slowly, "You hate us, we hate you. Let's put that all behind us shall we." He paused for dramatic effect. "Who's up for a threesome?"

Three jaws dropped open. Nagato was so shocked his jaw had even dropped open on his Animal Path.

"Sorry man." Naruto continued while looking at Nagato. "I'm not into guys so you'll have to watch."

He grinned like an idiot before continuing. "That's kind of exciting for everyone though so you might end up enjoying it."

Nobody had yet to recover from their shock as Naruto sat the Animal Path down next to Konan before removing her cloak.

"Let's sweat out our grievances with each other!" Naruto exclaimed.

A trickle of blood started to trickle out of the shocked Nagato's nose at the scene they laid before him. Maybe the boy was right and he would enjoy becoming a voyeur. His mind seemed to have been broken but this unpredictable boy.

* * *

**The Kage Summit**

Tsunade was shifting uncomfortably at the table. It wasn't that she was surrounded by some of the most powerful ninja in the elemental nations. It wasn't even some of the arguments that had been going on and the threat that they might turn to violence. It had to do with one of her guards, one Uzumaki Naruto.

In all the time she had known him he had never look so serious. There was an almost unearthly glow coming from his eyes as they fixated on one member of the meeting. The Mizukage. It was a searching stare she was finding hard to decipher. She hoped he wasn't about to cause some incident that would cause large diplomatic repercussions.

As for Naruto himself there was a reason he was staring so intently. His secret eye technique was active and he was documenting every exquisite detail of one Mizukage into his head. He really was a genius. This technique would have made Ero-sennin so proud. He could see him now on hands and knees begging to be taught.

In any case he was tiring of the constant bickering of most of the Kage's so he decided it was time to end the arguing and take important matters into his own hands.

All speaking stopped and all the Kage guards when on the defensive when Naruto jumped and landed onto the able with a bang right in front of the Mizukage. She had stood up when he had jumped and he lowered his head to her level so he was looking directly into her eyes.

"Marry me." He said plainly while continuing to stare into her eyes.

"Ok" she responded before actually thinking about what he had said. "Wait… what…?" she stumbled out as her face started turning red with embarrassment.

All other occupants of the meeting outside of the Konoha party where staring with their mouths hanging open. Tsunade had he hand planted on her face after she had slapped it there in resignation while Kakashi was grinning like a loon and giving him the thumbs up.

"What's there to think about? This crazy world has left it to long for a man to snap one such as you up. It's time I set this world straight!" Naruto responded, trying to look heroic and chivalrous.

The Mizukage's guards had totally different reactions. Chojuro had slumped to the ground foaming at the mouth. Ao reacted in rage at the disrespect that was being shown to his leader.

"How dare you show such disrespect to our Mizukage you…" He trained off at the look the Mizukage was giving him.

"Ao, be quite or I'll kill you." She spoke those words calmly with a terrifying smile on her face before turning to Naruto. Her face switched to an embarrassed smile when she looked at him.

"How many children did you want to have? We need to start soon!"

* * *

**Claiming Kyuubi's Chakra**

Naruto opened his eyes to once again be surrounded by the sewer that resided in his mind. With the help of Bee he had arrived here to attempt to take some control over the Kyuubi's chakra. It was as dark and depressing as he remembered.

"Man, you should really fix this place up fuzzball." He joked lightly with the giant fox that was seated behind the bars.

"No arguments here." The giant fox responded. "But that's up to you. I don't have control over anything in here. Some nicely scantily clad serving girls would be great if you get a chance." He comment lightly.

Naruto's eyes took on a serious glint. "Busty or petite?"

The Kyuubi looked to ponder such an important question. "A few of both. I don't like to discriminate. A few more busty wouldn't hurt though."

The serious look in Naruto's eyes changed to a respectful look. "A wise choice. I think we could get along…"

Naruto was cut off when the Kyuubi let out a yelp as he was surrounded and pinned down by chains of what seemed to be chakra. He spun around to see where they were coming from and was meant with an astonishing sight.

There was a woman standing there. Long flowing red hair, excellent figure and a beautiful smile upon her face as she looked at him. He gave the Kyuubi an apologetic look before he moved quickly to her side.

"Naruto, I've come to help…" Kushina opened her mouth to speak only to get a few words out before being interrupted by an excited Naruto.

"Who are you?" he spoke quickly before continuing "No wait, Let me guess!"

Kushina smiled indulgently at him as he spoke rapidly.

Naruto's face seemed to ponder some things before he open his mouth to speak.

"You are quite obviously my minds creation of the perfect woman!" he crowed triumphantly. "I mean look at you! My mind is a fricking genius to create such perfection!"

Kushina's indulgent smile slipped from her face to be replaced with a shocked look and a slight pinking of her cheeks.

"Naruto wait I'm..."

Kushina was cut off once again by her perverted son.

"So how do we do this? Can I summon a bed in this place? Do you mind if the Kyuubi watches… no wait, my mind created you so of course you don't care. Besides the big guy needs some entertainment after being locked up so long!"

The shocked and lightly blushing look on Kushina's face was slowly being replaced by a different sort of red face. Her hair itself almost seemed to be coming alive into the shape of nine flowing tails.

When Naruto's hand slipped around and groped her backside Kushina's temper flared.

"I AM YOUR MOTHER!" she screamed at him as her hair finished coming to life and started sway around behind her while her eyes opened wide in rage. She slammed her fist down on his head causing Naruto to whimper.

You could almost see the steam coming from her ears as she continued. "What did you think you were doing?!"

Naruto scratched his cheek almost embarrassedly. "Well… I was going to see if I could get laid to be honest."

Kushina seemed to freeze in place before mumbling out, "Deal with this yourself, I have one super pervert to hunt down in the afterlife and kill again."

And then she disappeared in an instant taking her chains with her. Silence rained between Naruto and the now free Kyuubi.

"You hit on and copped a feel of you mum" Kyuubi said smugly.

"You would have as well if you could." Naruto snapped back.

"She's not my mum though."

"Did you see her? As if a little blood relations would have stopped you."

Kyuubi was silent for a moment. "Touché."

"Soooo…" Naruto drawled out almost as if nothing had happened. "Redecoration and undoing the seal for free access to your chakra?"

"You keep letting me watch you with the ladies and there won't even be any of my anger in it."

Naruto looked pleased as he raised his hand in a fist towards the Kyuubi. "Bump these knuckles man!"

Kyuubi gently bumped fists with Naruto. "This is going to be the start of a beautiful relationship. The only thing is…" He paused for a moment. "You still hit on your mom." He choked out before he started barking out his laughter.

His laughter was stopped at Naruto's reply. "Did you see that ass? Worth it!"

"Damn it!"

* * *

**Naruto Vows to Help Sasuke with Itachi.**

Sasuke was startled out of his revelry by a presence behind him looking over his shoulder. He had been looking at a picture of his parents but he should have still noticed someone behind him. When he figured out who it was he clenched his teeth as he realised Naruto always seemed to be able to get the drop on him.

He looked back at the picture in silence as he waited for Naruto to speak.

"Who are the people in the picture?" Naruto finally spoke softly.

"My parents." Sasuke spoke back with a subdued tone not taking his eyes from the image.

A firm grip landed on his shoulder before Naruto spoke again. "He will pay." Was the soft words that came from Naruto's mouth.

Sasuke look at him strangely, feeling almost a kinship with him. Maybe Naruto wasn't as bad as he had first thought.

"I can't believe your brother would kill such a fine woman…" Naruto trailed off squeezing Sasuke's shoulder tighter and making him wince slightly.

Naruto abruptly let go of Sasuke and slammed his hands onto the table Sasuke was sitting at.

"Damn that Itachi… damn him to HELL!" Naruto shouted in rage.

Sasuke felt the heavy load on his shoulders lessen lightly. Maybe Naruto wasn't as bad as he had first thought. Maybe he had found a comrade in arms in his struggle to surpass and kill Itachi. Naruto also was an orphan, he could understand Sasuke's pain.

"I could have nailed your fine piece of ass mom and then been like, "DUDE! I nailed your mom!"" A sigh escaped Naruto's mouth before he continued. "But that damn Itachi took that away from me! He took all chances of rubbing that in your face from me! That fucker will pay!"

Sasuke's mouth at this stage was hanging open in shock at the moment while he stared at this crazy bastard. So maybe Naruto wasn't any different from what he had thought.

"And no matter how strong you got it wouldn't have mattered! I would have always won everything we did because, "Dude, I banged your mom!" Tears seeped from Naruto's eyes. "ITACHI YOU HAVE RUINED MY LIFE!"

Sasuke face palmed before getting up and leaving Naruto to his ranting. He really was one crazy perverted bastard.


	3. Return of the Pervert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More perverted Naruto antics.

**Perverted Naruto III – Return of the Pervert**

AN: What's this? It didn't take 6 years for a new chapter? What kind of craziness is this?

 

**Naruto the new man of the house?!**

Naruto was sitting next to his sensei Jiraiya at Ichiraku's Ramen Stand. They had just finished eating and we leaning back finishing off their drinks watching the crowds flow past. One figure amongst the crowd caught Naruto's eye.

"Man that Kurenai is looking fine as hell again after having a kid." Naruto half mumbled to himself half spoke to Jiraiya.

"Eh." Was the dismissive noise that came from Jiraiya's mouth in reply. "She's got a kid, why would you want to go there? You're not going to get anywhere."

"Tsk." Naruto responded. "You are getting senile in your old age I think."

He got up and headed towards Kurenai not letting Jiraiya respond to his jab.

Jiraiya just watch him go in confusion. He liked the ladies but he'd already raised on brat that wasn't his own. As much as he loved him, not that he would day it out loud, he didn't really want to raise another one that wasn't his.

Kurenai herself was lost in thought as she aimlessly wandered along the street. She had left Anko to babysit so she could have some free time to herself for the first time since her daughter was born. As much as she loved her daughter she need some time away to recharge her batteries.

It had been over a year since Asuma had been killed now and while his death still hurt, they were both ninjas and were prepared for the worst to happen. She knew he wouldn't have wanted her to dwell on his death forever and would have wanted her to move on just as she would have wanted him to.

The fact that revenge against those who had kill him had been dispensed also helped her move on slowly.

Her musings were interrupted by the appearance of a presence beside her. It startled her but she tried not to let it show, she was a ninja after all even if she had been off duty for quite a while.

"Hi Kurenai-sensei! How's it all going?"

Were the words that came exuberantly from the presence that had appeared. Looking at said presence she saw that it was Naruto with his ever cheerful grin plastered on his face. She hadn't had much to do with the boy since his return to the village in time for his genin test but Hinata seemed to be instantly taken with his bright personality and confidence that wasn't marred by arrogance like could often effect powerful ninja.

He was also easy on the eyes. He reminded her of a younger, fiercer looking Yondaime. A light blush dusted her thoughts at where her train of thoughts started taking her. It didn't help that Anko had been gushing about some young guy who she found super cute and what she would do to him when she snagged him. Kurenai figured that once Anko got her fingers into the poor guy she would never let him go. Her dear friend Anko was loyal to a fault but she was also needy and easily prone to outbursts of jealousy.

She was disturbed from her musings by a surprisingly soft hand laying itself against her forehead.

"Are you ok Kurenai-sensei? You zoned out some there. You do feel a little warm."

The redness of her face increased. Both from embarrassment about zoning out when someone was talking to her and also due to the warmth of a man's hand touching her. It really had been a long time since she had been touched by a man.

"Oh yes I'm fine." She stuttered. "Just lost in my own world for a moment."

Honestly, she was a grown woman who had a daughter. She shouldn't be getting flustered over a young man being nice to her and a simple touch. A shiver went down her spine when his hand moved from her forehead down to her lower back, dangerously close to her behind but not quite touching. She wasn't sure if she wanted him to put it lower or not.

"_Oh god!_" she thought to herself. "_It's been so long since I've been touched by a man I'm almost going to explode from some simple contact. Get it together Kurenai, you are a jonin ranked kunoichi! You will not give in to your base desires!_"

"Maybe I should walk you home?" she heard Naruto whisper quietly in her ear. She found herself only able to nod a reply as his hand began to trace small circles on the small of her back in an almost hypnotising manner.

"_Ok. So maybe just this once I can give in to my base desires._" Was her last thought as she was led away by Naruto.

A poof of smoke appeared next to Jiraiya. He turned his astonished face to look at the clone that was sporting a shit eating grin. Jiraiya struggled to form words as he looked at the clone of the boy.

"How… how did you do that…?"

If anything the clones grin seemed to get bigger.

"Wow ero-sennin, you really have gotten old. It's quite simple really." A flash of smoke later and the clone had henged himself into a suit with glasses on, making him look like a school teacher. A school teacher with a smug grin on their face.

"She's a single mother that hasn't been touched since Asuma died. She has also been consumed with raising her daughter by herself and hasn't had much in the way of contact with anyone outside of her close friends. She was always going to be primed and ready to go."

The grin if possible seemed to grow even bigger.

"And she has a kid… so you know she puts out!"

Jiraiya's jaw dropped at his explanation.

"Anyway old man… I have to rejoin the bosses mind so I can enjoy this as well. Try not to break a hip while waiting up for me!"

And with a final puff of smoke the clone was gone. Tears flowed from Jiraiya's eyes. He wasn't sure if it was in sorrow at being bested by his student or pride that he had raised such a young man.

"It seems the student has finally surpassed the master." He mumbled to himself as he tried to wipe away his tears.

 

**Sasuke-chan?!**

"Admit it." Naruto found himself once again taunting Sasuke. What could he say, he it was so amusing. "You just can't do it."

A foul look came on Sasuke's face at the taunting. "It's not that I can't. It's that I won't stoop to your level."

Naruto found himself grinning. He swore trolling Sasuke would never get old.

"My apologies." Naruto tried to look sorry as he spoke. "I took out a Kage with this technique. Of course someone of your calibre wouldn't be able to handle it."

The look on Sasuke's face seemed to darken even more if that was possible. He knew Naruto was just baiting him but his damnable pride wanted him to prove the bastard wrong.

"Show me how again and I'll do your stupid idiotic move!"

The grin on Naruto's face threatened to consume his face it had grown so large as he showed Sasuke the necessary steps for his ultimate technique.

With a puff of smoke Sasuke completed the Sexy Jutsu and transformed into a female version of himself.

Naruto was mighty impressed and at the same time disappointed. Sasuke was pretty damn hot as a female so why did he have to be born a guy.

"It suits you." Naruto said with a mocking smile. "Your normally look like you have something stuck up your ass. With you as a guy I don't find that attractive at all." He chuckled a bit at Sasuke's thunderous expression before continuing. "But as a female that makes you a good girl and I do like good girls."

Sasuke blanched and started to back away as he feared what Naruto might do to him in this state. It never crossed his mind to simply release his technique.

A serious look on Naruto's face stopped him in his tracks.

"We have a problem Sasuke." Naruto spoke seriously causing Sasuke to gulp. The look on Naruto's face made him nervous and worried.

"Wh… What problem is that?" he managed to stutter out.

Naruto was silent for a while before replying. "I'd so bang you as a chick and I don't know how I feel about that."

Naruto laughed to himself as he watched Sasuke's back disappear into the distance rapidly. He shamelessly would admit that it was a nice sight from behind as well.

 

**Sound Four Sounding Off.**

Tayuya panted breathlessly. "_This fucker is strong._" Was the main thought flowing through her head.

Things had seemed to start off so well. They had found the emo fag boy and cornered him. He was even more of a pussy that she thought. When they had cornered him to give him Orochimaru's offer he had curled up in a ball and started babbling about some Naruto coming after him if he left. Why the fuck would a fishcake chase after him?

He was so pathetic they decided to withhold the offer and just take the pussy with them. The problem occurred at the moment when the blond pretty boy had shown up. The three useless pricks with her were unconscious in moments and she couldn't figure out why. Sure he was an annoying asshole but he didn't seem that strong right?

Things went further downhill when she got pissed off at the bastards constant evading and she called upon the first level of her seal to finish the emo lover off. When the marls from the seal crawled across her skin the blond pretty boy's expression changed and she felt a small tingling of fear.

Naruto himself had witnessed what was happening to Sasuke. To be honest in one way it was kind of sad that Sasuke was worried about him, in another it was totally amusing. In any case he couldn't let these snake lovers take his favourite toy. Trolling Sasuke was way too much fun for that.

Looking more carefully at the situation Naruto noticed that one of the four was a female. And a pretty hot one at that. Time for some old Uzumaki charm he thought to himself before he moved.

Before anyone had realised what was going on the three males where all unconscious and he was facing the remaining female.

"Hey babe. How about you take a real man home instead of him." He spoke, throwing a careless finger in the direction of Sasuke. Her reaction amused him greatly.

"I'm on orders to take the wuss shrimp dick with me!" she spat at him.

"Oh what a dirty mouth there babe." Naruto chuckled at her. "I bet you'd get real wild in bed!"

She didn't deign him with a response and started to furiously attack him.

Naruto always fancied himself more of a lover than a fighter with the ladies so he just danced around her attacks. Letting them miss by the narrowest of margins. The small grin on her face told him she thought she would have him soon. It turned into a look of mild frustration after a period of time and she stopped for a moment.

Weird seals began creeping all over her exposed skin including her face. Naruto assumed this was some form of advanced version of Orochimaru's curse seal. If he could ever be bothered he might check out Sasuke's sometime and see if he could remove it. Unfortunately for Tayuya at this time this seal enraged him.

Her triumphant looked changed rapidly after a murderous look came over his face and any thoughts that's she would now have an advantage evaporated.

"You stupid bitch!" Naruto screamed at her. "Why would you use this power damn it?!"

*SLAP!*

As enraged as he was, Naruto was still a pervert. The slap landed fair on Tayuya's backside. As foul mouthed as Tayuya was even she was speechless for ones. How she ended up laying over his lap in such a short time she couldn't figure out.

*SLAP!*

A squeaked forced its way out of Tayuya's mouth before she could stop herself. It was the most girly thing that had ever come from her mouth she was sure.

"Those marks are hideous!" Naruto raged while he continued to paddle her behind. "They ruined such a pretty face!"

Tayuya couldn't be sure if the red that had forced its way onto her cheeks was caused by embarrassment or rage. Being who she was she went with rage. Allowing the seal to take more control of her the marks slowly disappeared, her skin darkened, dark marks formed around and near her eyes. Lastly horns sprouted from her head.

With her transformation complete she tried to break his grip but still found herself unable to. The smacking of her backside had stopped which she was glad for, or maybe she was not. This blond pretty boy had totally befuddled her.

She managed to sneak a glance at him and he had his head lowered, his eyes shadowed by his hair. She trembled in fright at the sight. If he had got so angry over her using the level one seal she was terrified at the rage he was about to unleash at her using the second level.

The silence hung in the air for a while. Tayuya squirming even more.

"You…" Naruto finally spoke.

Tayuya gulped.

"You grew hand holds for me! Now we won't have to worry about ripping your hair out when I get rough! I think I'm in love."

Tayuya blinked. "_Hand holds? He must mean my horns. Hand holds for what?_" She thought.

It took her a moment before she made the connection. Her mouth open in shock for a few moments.

In her current befuddled state she just decided that giving up was easier.

"All right you stupid fuck. I'm dripping wet here. Take me to your room quickly or I'll just rip that shit off and you'll never use them again!"

In the next instant Tayuya was slung over Naruto's shoulder as he was bounding over buildings in a hurry to get to his apartment.

Meanwhile Sasuke straightened himself up, dusted himself off and headed home. He really needed to find a mirror so he could genjutsu that scene from his own head.

 

**Kushina Returns!**

Naruto was dozing on his couch. He figured he might go and chat to the furball for a while before heading to bed. When he opened his eyes he was slightly surprised. This wasn't where the Kyuubi lived and the thing standing before him certainly wasn't a giant fox demon.

The thing standing there was a person. That person was his so called mother. So called because he found her quite enticing but she didn't seem to want a bar of it because of some stupid reason like he was her son, she was his mother. Bah! As if he would let that stop him.

He tilted his head in confusion as he watched her, she seemed to by trying to build up the courage to say something. When she finally managed to build up the courage it came out a little hurriedly.

"I'm very sorry!" she said bowing her head.

Naruto himself just looked at her confusedly. "What are you sorry for?" he asked scratching the back of his head in puzzlement.

"I left you with the Kyuubi." She stated morosely before continuing. "I know you seemed to have things in hand but…" she trailed off before rubbing the back of her head in a similar manner to Naruto. "Sometimes my temper gets the best of me, but that's no excuse!"

Naruto's look of puzzlement took on a look of affection. "Don't you worry about that! Me and the ole furball came to an agreement. I like ladies and he likes to watch." His affectionate look turned into a perverted giggle.

Kushina had a relieved smile on her face before it turned into a perverted grin.

"So my baby boy takes after his mother!" she crowed in triumph. "Your father was such a stick in the mud. But he was pretty!" she giggled perversely in a manner reminiscent of Naruto. "To be honest the main reason I got so angry last time was because it's normally me that makes to first move. I like to be in charge!"

Naruto could sense the anticipation building in himself. Maybe he would get a shot at his mother after all.

"Maybe I could enjoy watching though." She seemed to be pondering things as she continued. "I could do a deal with the Kyuubi as well. See my boy become a man, repeatedly."

Naruto himself was now a little shocked. His mother was great!

"It's a shame your father isn't around anymore. You two together would have been great. Father and son, covered in sweat, embracing each other passionately while the mother watches on from a crack in the door!" Kushina seemed to be starting to pant at her own thoughts. Her breath almost ragged and a red blush across her cheeks.

Naruto's faced turned into one of horror.

"I wonder if Mikoto's boy has grown up to be a looker. The emo brooding Uchiha look with your glowing golden hair. Embracing each other passionately. Caught by both of your mothers and forced into even more depraved situations with each other while the mothers watch and do naughty things to each other! Oh god yes!" Kushina's pants peaked before that trailed off as she breathed heavily.

Naruto was confused. On one hand his mother was kinky as hell and he might have a shot at getting into her pants. The other part was terrified. In his mindscape things were malleable. That means if he took a chance and got a shot at his mother he might end up doing things. Things that should not be spoken. Things that no man with an insatiable love for women should do.

As an image of a Sasuke naked below him, looking up at him lovingly flicked through his mind he curled up a ball and started to sob.


	4. Fellowship of the Perverts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The perversion is strong in this one.

Note: So I Never imagined I'd write enough of these that I'd have to actually think about how some of the canon events would be affected. The main differences at the moment are that Sasuke never left the village because he was afraid of what Naruto would do to him.

This is mainly because Naruto trolls the hell out of him. He also figures he can learn enough about trolling from Naruto to at least cause Itachi some headaches. So some stuff still happened. The Kage summit to deal with Akatsuki for example. Stuff involving Sasuke leaving the village did not.

Note 2: My Author page has links to my Twitter, FFNet forum and TFF forum where I post snippets as I write them. If you want things quicker than when I compile a chapter here.

**Perverted Naruto IV – Fellowship of the Perverts**

**Invading Sound Hideouts**

Karin was terrified. Somebody was raiding the base she was in charge of. She didn't really care much for the base itself as she had been forced by Orochimaru to work for her when he found out about her Uzumaki heritage and her unique blood. What she cared about was either being captured and interrogated by the invading Ninja or punished by Orochimaru if she escaped and let some of his valuable experiments fall into the wrong hands.

Her decision on what to do was taken from her when a person appeared in front of her. She let out a gasp when she recognised him from the Chunin exams. She remembered how she couldn't really tell who it was who saved her from the ferocious bear in the forest of death. Sasuke had taken the bear out and looked kind of cool doing it. He hadn't looked cool when the man before her had punted him at the bear telling him it was time for him to learn to save the damsel in distress like a real man.

The almost insane laughter that had followed that told her that he seemed to be doing it more for his own amusement then teaching Sasuke any kind of lesson.

She wished she could remember his name though or did she ever even get it back then. She need not have bothered thinking too hard on it though.

"Oh hey! It's the bear girl." Naruto spoke gleefully. "Thanks so much for helping me troll… I mean teach Sasuke a lesson back then!"

Karin's face took on an angry look. "My name is Uzumaki Karin NOT Bear Girl!" she shouted out him.

Naruto's face took on a serious look. "Uzumaki huh? My name is Uzumaki Naruto. Guess that makes us kind of like cousins or something doesn't it?"

Karin's mouth dropped open in shock. There were very few Uzumaki's left in the world and she had just bumped into one by coincidence.

"So…" Naruto followed up. "Since this is the first time I've met someone close to family I was wondering if you'd like to help me with an experiment."

Karin's eyes gleamed at that. While she hated some of the things Orochimaru did, she did love experimenting. Finding out how things worked or gaining a new knowledge into things make her excited.

"I never had a sister you see..." Naruto trailed off before continuing. "And I guess you'd be as close as I will ever get to be able to confirm a theory I have heard about."

A strange light seemed to gleam in both of their eyes. Karin's with an expectation of some great experiment in regards to their Uzumaki genes, Naruto's with something more perverse.

"This theory I have heard of." Naruto paused. He seemed to want to drag out the suspense. "You can play the sister and we can prove it."

"Damnit! Stop keeping me hanging you bastard!" Karin shouted, almost frothing from the mouth. "Tell me what it is already!"

"Ok it is…" He paused once again for suspense. He really loved being a bastard. "Incest is the best, put your sister to the test." Naruto said with a straight face.

Karin seemed to pause for a few moments, not fully understanding what he had said. The cogs in her mind slowly started to spin back up and her mouth dropped open in shock. She tried to form words but she struggled to complete them.

"I… I… I…"

Naruto broke out laughing at the look on her face before speaking again. "Just kidding. Oh man the look on your face."

He paused from speaking to chuckle some more. "Besides my sexy justu clone is way closer to a sister to me than you are. Let me tell you when the call it Wincest they don't speak a word of a lie. It's almost like she knows me better than myself."

Karin seemed to break. Her face ended up blank as she tried to keep up with the direction of the conversation.

"So anyway. I'm going to tie you up now so I can take you somewhere private and…" Naruto seemed to emphasise the next word by waving his fingers in the air like apostrophises. "_Interrogate_ you."

He seemed to be thinking for a few moments after that. "After than I'll even let you use those Uzumaki chains to tie me up and interrogate me. Because after I am done interrogating a lady they always want to reciprocate."

Karin seemed to give up as she was slung across his shoulder and taken to be interrogated. "_Hey._" She thought to herself. "_If his interrogation technique is as big as his chakra maybe I'll enjoy a deep hard interrogation_." she said with some drool slipping from her mouth as her perverted mind took over her otherwise malfunctioning self.

**The Teachings of Jiraiya**

Naruto eyed the beauty from the Hidden Village of Cloud from across the room. The Kage had gathered together to strategise for the upcoming conflict with the remains of the Akatsuki, bringing with them support staff. Mabui he believed her name was, not that not knowing trivial things like names had ever stopped him before, was the Raikage's aid. She was smoking hot with brown skin and gorgeous silver hair and a stern look on her face that he'd love to see twisted in ecstasy. He had decided he really needed to get him some of that brown sugar.

He silently approached her from behind before leaning over her shoulder to see what she was reading. He could tell she was startled at his sudden appearance but tried to keep her surprise hidden.

"Anything important I should know about?" He commented airily, pretending he hadn't noticed her surprise.

"You'll be briefed when we have a firm strategy planned. Please do not disturb us before we are prepared. You will only be an annoyance at the moment."

"_A real ice queen this one."_ Naruto thought to himself. "_She could really use some friction to thaw her out._" He thought while grinning perversely to himself.

Before he could continue his delicate task of seducing her he felt his ear grabbed and he was rapidly dragged away before being spun to face someone. He tried to hide the horror from his face as he came face to face with one Mei Terumi, the Mizukage.

He tried to stop the sweat beading on his forehead as he came face to face with her angry visage. He couldn't blame her really, he had asked her to marry him not that long ago.

"Hitting on another lady in front his fiancé doesn't seem to be something a normal person should do now does it?" Mei spoke in a sweet tone that seemed to contain violence hidden within it.

"Hit on a lady? Surely you jest my dear. I was only asking if I could assist with anything." Naruto tried to smooth things out. He hadn't actually made a move on Mabui so surely he couldn't get in trouble for that.

"It wasn't what you said, it was how you were acting." Mei stated with a maniacal look entering into her eyes.

Naruto had to think quickly or otherwise this would end in a bloodbath. And that blood being mostly his. He thought back to the training he had with Jiraiya on how to be a pervert. In a case like this Jiraiya would have been beaten to within an inch of his life. But Naruto had been watching Jiraiya for all of his life. He had seen his sensei being beaten by women numerous times for saying something stupid. So while Jiraiya thought it was his training that had made Naruto so popular with the ladies he was wrong. Well he was slightly correct as over the years Naruto had watched what Jiraiya did and did the total opposite of that.

This faith in Jiraiya being wrong with most things involving ladies had given him the courage to try and escape this situation without receiving something worse than a beating from this feisty Kage.

"*sigh* you caught me." Naruto exhaled as he bought his face up to fully face Mei. "I was trying to get you an engagement present."

Mei looked at him sceptically which was understandable as he was talking out his ass. "Oh really? You hitting on another woman is finding me an engagement present?"

The look she gave him was enough to freeze a normal man to death with its coldness. Naruto was no normal man though.

"Of course I was. It was a special present." He paused momentarily. Thinking on his feet he took a stab in the dark. "Don't think I haven't seen those looks."

Mei looked confused. "What looks?"

Naruto decided it was time to go all in. He was either going to be the luckiest man alive or dead. Death had seen Naruto gamble so it grumbled and left figuring if he was banking on luck that it would work out for him somehow.

"I've seen you looking at plenty of beautiful people. I know you would like some of them to join in our little games."

Mei's look changed from deadly to cutely flustered instantly. "_Jackpot!_" was Naruto's thought. Lady Luck never let him down.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Mei spoke with a flustered appearance.

Naruto moved close to her. His breath tickling her ear as he spoke softly into it.

"I don't mind sharing you…" he said. "But I'd never let be another man. You are mine!"

Mei shivered at his lustful and possessive tone. Naruto continued speaking into her ear making Mei pant more.

"Can you imagine that stoic face all scrunched up in ecstasy as you held her down and did things to her? All the while I would be watching you unblinkingly, burning the sight of you and her into my memory."

Mei leaned against him for support. "Did she agree?" she whispered huskily.

"I didn't get a chance to propose it to her before you dragged me away." Actually Naruto was pretty sure he was about to be turned down but she didn't need to know that.

At that comment Mei composed herself, stood up straight and smoothed out her clothing and marched towards Mabui.

Her approach seemed to put Mabui on edge as she had been watching the conversation with the blonde Jinchuuriki from the corner of her eye. The determined look the Mizukage was giving her scared her some, she thought the blonde may have deflected his hitting on her into it being her fault. She had heard about that outburst from both of these two from the original meeting and was concerned that the Mizukage might get violent if she thought she was trying to take her man.

The Mizukage stopped in front of her. She tried not to squirm under her scrutinising eye. The Mizukage seemed to be looking her up and down, maybe sizing up the competition she thought.

Those thoughts fled her head when one of the Mizukage's hands reached around and squeezed her ass while the other hand moved up to cup her breast. Her jaw seemed to unhinge as her mouth opened so wide and being fondled by the Mizukage.

Mei's eyes turned back to Naruto. "She's perfect. Let's give her a test run right now."

Mabui was still unable to comprehend what was going on as the Mizukage picked her up princess style and left the room, the blonde Jinchuuriki following behind.

Naruto himself was in a bit of shock himself. He couldn't belive his bullshit excuse had worked this well. He looked upwards towards the heavens for a few moments.

"_This is for you ero-sennin. I couldn't have done this without you taking all those beatings. I hope you know that those beatings will now let me live out man's dream. I appreciate it you magnificent bastard._"

He hurriedly followed after Mei and the shocked Mabui after thanking his teacher.

In heaven itself Jiraiya wasn't sure if the tears were from the respect that Naruto had shown him or the fact that after all those beatings Naruto was the one going to be getting the tricycle experience and not him.

**The Cloud's Request**

The team from Cloud consisting of Samui, Karui and Omoi were entering what seemed to be the remains of Konoha. They were trying to hold there shock in check at the devestation while attempting to find someone who could take them to the Hokage with their request.

Their request was a simple one. Find out as much information as possible on one Uchiha Itachi who had kidnapped their teacher. The remains of their fight had devastated the area in had occurred in. Their teacher had put up an amazing fight from what they could tell.

But they needed information on Itachi so they could hunt him down and take revenge for their teacher. Information they could only get in Konoha, the village Itachi had been apart of and no doubt the village that had kept the closet tabs on him. They were stopped short when the heard a blonde haired young man talking to a black haired young man who had a sour look on his face.

"Man Nagato was almost as big a douche as Itachi was. Check out this damage he left from his temper tantrum." The blonde paused before continuing. "Not quite though. One of his bodies was a hot chick that just wanted some punishment and Itachi killed your fine piece of ass mother. That reminds me, have I told you what I would have done to her?"

The black haired boys face seemed to turn even more sour, if that was possible. "Yes you've told me. Repeatedly. In great detail."

The mention of Itachi's name in the conversation had caught the attention of the Cloud team causing them to head towards the duo.

"Hey you Blondie!" Karui yelled interrupting their conversation, much to Sasuke's relief as Naruto had once again broken into a detailed description of what he would have done to his mother. "Tell use everything you know about Itachi!"

The blondes gaze moved over each of the team members, seemingly hanging longer on the two females.

"Cloud ninja huh? Why should we be giving you information?"

"We have a request from the Raikage for your Hokage." Samui spoke up, much less emotional than Karui's request. "Itachi was the person who kidnapped our teacher. We must find him to avenge his death."

Naruto seemed to be thinking for a few moments before he responded. "If the Akatsuki have him that means he was a Jinchuuriki. That also means that he probably isn't dead yet, they need preparation time before they can extract the beast."

This almost cause an explosion from Karui. "Then give us the information we need quickly so we can go and save him!"

The blonde took on a grim look. "I'm sorry but I can't give you information on Itachi." He paused for a few moments. "I need to kill him myself! I can't let anyone else do such a thing!"

He reached into his pocked causing the Cloud ninja to tense up. When he removed a picture from his pocket they seemed to relax slightly.

"Look at who he killed!" Naruto screamed at them shoving a picture of Sasuke's mom in a bikini in their faces. He then pointed at Sasuke. "How will I ever be able to bang this guys hot ass mother if she was killed by that asshole. I will avenge my dignity by killing Itachi myself!"

Sasuke himself was in shock. "Where the hell did you get that picture of my mother you bastard?!" He was promptly ignored by the tirading blonde.

Naruto's tirade was cut short as a fist struck him across the face courtesy of one Karui. He looked shocked for a few moments before his eyes narrowed in some unknown emotion.

"That wasn't all that nice." Naruto spoke in a calm voice. "I don't normally hit ladies but let me show you how it happens when I do."

Karui tensed, slightly worried that her temper had gotten her into a predicament once again. This was proven once again when she didn't even see the blonde move. She did feel it when he had her bent over his lap though.

"What the hell you bastard?!" she screeched. "What the hell are you…?"

He words where cut off as a shocked look appeared on her face. The cause of the shocked look was the fact an open hand had smacked her fair on her behind with quite a lot of force.

"Asshole! What do you…?"

She was once again cut off by a second smack to her ass.

"This is what bad girls get when they are rude." Naruto spoke in a calm tone as he continued to paddle her backside. "If you keep being rude then it won't be over your clothes next time."

"Asshole. You wouldn't dare!"

Karui decided that probably wasn't the best idea she had ever had as she felt her pants being lowered exposing her backside to the world. As the spankings continued tears sprung to her eyes. She wasn't sure if it was due to the pain in her ass or the shame at the delighted feelings other parts of her body were getting at the continued spankings.

When the blonde stop for a few moments and soothed her backside with his hand asking her if she was going to be a good girl from now on, she decided somewhere deep inside she liked being a bad girl.

Meanwhile the other two Cloud ninja had started to move when the blonde had grabbed Karui. However a second blonde had appeared in front of the two at the same time he had grabbed the red headed girl.

"Not to worry. He's not going to hurt her. Just teach her a lesson." He looked over to where Karui was in the process of being spanked with a jealous look on his face before it was replaced with a friendly smile.

Omoi couldn't speak. He was so shocked at what was occurring. He was pretty jealous as well to tell the truth. Samui herself maintained a calm look but if you looked closely enough you could see her expression was strained.

"Now that we can talk calmly I'd like to propose a compromise." He paused. Looking harder at Samui's face. "I can go with you and kill Itachi while you rescue your teacher. I'm sure you've noticed. I'm strong."

He moved closer to Samui. "You are way to tense for this mission." He said casually. This surprised Samui as she didn't think most people could tell when she was tense.

"Let me help with that." He suggested causally was he seemed to appear behind her.

Before she could spin to find out why he was behind her she let out an almost erotic moan.

Naruto had started working the knots out of the spot just below her shoulder blades. She couldn't believe how skilled his hands were at this.

"Don't worry. I'm good at this. The Hokage is about the same size as you." He whispered almost seductively in her ear.

Samui couldn't control another moan that escaped from her lips as he found and released another large knot.

Continuing to whisper in her ear he made a suggestion. "If we go back to my place I could lay you down and really work these knots out for you."

Samui couldn't even for a response at this point in time so she just nodded her head in agreement. She also missed the lecherous grin that formed its way onto his face.

As the two Naruto's and his current targets disappeared Sasuke just shook his head and walked away. He was used to Naruto's antics by now.

Omoi though was still looking between the spot Karui had been getting spanked and Samui had been getting a massage.

"I'm sorry teacher!" he said while looking towards the sky. "I seem to have found a new teacher I must learn from!"

His thoughts continued in his head. "_What if I learn from Blondie, then I get so good I get a harem, then I capture the hearts of every pretty girl and then I die from exhaustion of trying to please them all?!"_

He paused. "_What a way to die though!_"


	5. The Twin Perverts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of Sasuke's sanity.

**Perverted Naruto V – The Twin Perverts**

**Saving some Pussy.**

Yugito knew she was in trouble. She was tired and these two just didn't seem able to die. She had killed the silver haired one more times than she could count but he just kept getting up. She had only managed to get one fatal hit on the hooded man but he seemed to shrug off the blow as well. Exhaustion was starting to set in and she had a horrifying premonition that this was going to be it for her.

Yugito gasped in pain when the silver haired man pinned her to the wall with a metal spike through her hands. She could barely force herself to struggle she was so tired. What she couldn't understand is why she was so tired. With the Nibi's help she normally healed faster than this and was able to fight for a longer period of time. As the silver haired man moved closer to deliver the knockout blow she gave up all hope on surviving.

Yugito blinked when the silver haired man was sent sprawling by a blur. She then seemed to notice someone staring at her intently. Actually he seemed to be staring at something on her intently. He had scruffy blonde hair and he was easy on the eyes but he was wearing a Konoha headband so she couldn't be sure that he wasn't just a different enemy taking advantage of the situation.

Naruto managed to drag his eyes from her chest to her face. "_Not bad at all_" He thought to himself before reaching up and removing the spikes from her hands. With a comforting smile he gave Yugito a carefree grin that bought some heat to her cheeks before he spoke.

"Don't worry. I'm about to teach these guys not to mess with a lady. Especially not cute ones."

This caused Yugito's face to flame even more red even has her Chakra started to circulate properly again. Those spikes had messed up her chakra and seemed to have closed off access to the Nibi's as well.

Turning to face the Akatsuki duo Naruto's face changed to a much more violent look.

"You assholes" he growled out. "The only poles you should be putting in a lady is the one between your legs… and only if she asks for it." He seemed to pause for a moment, his face taking on a goofy grin. "Or she has some weird fetish and likes to role play… but we can leave that for another time."

His eyes hardened again and the ground around his feet started to crack as he began to channel his chakra in preparation for taking both of the duo on.

Kakuzu recognised the young man and felt his power beginning to flow and realised it was time to leave. "Hidan. Let's go. Taking two jinchuuriki at once would be a problem".

Yugito's eyes opened wide at shock as she spun to look at the young man that had saved her. She couldn't believe another village's jinchuuriki had come to save her.

Hidan however had other ideas though. "No way! This bastard stole my pray. I am going to kill his ass and sacrifice him to Jashin!"

Kakuzu looked at Hidan before turning to leave. He spoke over his shoulder as he walked away. "I won't be stitching you back together when he is done with you."

"Ha!" Hidan yelled back as Kakuzu disappeared. "As if this little runt will even put up a challenge."

He attempted to swing his scythe before he realised he had a few problems. The runt was now standing next to him holding his scythe was one problem. The second was his hands were still attached to the scythe.

"That hurts you asshole!" he screamed. "I am going to gut you and feed your soul to Jashin your runt!"

Yugito still looked worried. "Be careful! You can't kill him… he's immortal."

Naruto's grin turned light and playful. "Not to worry. Sometimes being immortal is worse than being able to die."

Yugito looked confused for a few moments before turning green and looking a little sick at what this young man was doing to the immortal. The young man had impaled Hidan on his own scythe. And not with the bladed edge but with the handle straight from ass to mouth. The bottom of the handle was actually protruding from his mouth as Hidan tried to yell at him but all that came out was some muffled noises. Yugito almost felt sorry for him.

"So…" Naruto spoke as he finished sealing Hidan into a massive dome of rock to be impaled for on his own scythe for eternity. He turned to Yugito with a shit eating grin.

"We got some pole in him how about I put some pole in you… but in a much sexier way. Although I believe there will be some moaning involved as well."

Yugito's jaw dropped open in shock and she couldn't form a reply as she was picked up princess style and carted away.

**A Terrible Technique in the Hands of a Pervert**

Sasuke watched as Naruto had his head lowered, his hair covering his eye and his body almost trembling. The technique they were witnessing on the battlefield seemed to have affected him greatly. "_Watching the dead come back to life would be disconcerting to most people I suppose._" He thought to himself.

Naruto's head snapped up at that moment, fire burning in his eyes that cause Sasuke to take a step back in shock.

"Whose technique is this!?" his words were soft but came out almost in a growl.

"It would seem that the one called Kabuto is the cause of this desecration of the dead." Was the reply he received from a foreign ninja he didn't know.

"Kabuto huh? So I just need to stop him and this will all end." The intensity of Naruto's eyes were almost drowned out by the size of his shit eating grin.

"And once I squeeze the technique from him my life long goal of banging Sasuke's mom will be complete!" He shouted as he disappeared from the main headquarters of the Shinobi alliance.

Sasuke himself just palmed his face. As if his mother would give into someone who wasn't his father. After a few moments though sweat started trickling down his brow. He had seen Naruto work on women before.

He left in a hurry to try and catch Naruto. With 100 000 White Zetsu clones at his disposal as sacrifices Naruto could quite literally bang his way through history if he didn't stop him.

As Sasuke caught up to Naruto's trail he heard desperate cries of despair coming from inside the cave and knew that it was too late to stop Naruto now. What Naruto wanted Naruto got. Sasuke had learnt that a long time ago.

Sasuke sighed to himself. There was nothing he could do to help his mother now. She was quite literally fucked once Naruto got to her. Even the appearance of a revived Itachi barely registered more than a raised eyebrow from Sasuke.

"It's too late Itachi. Kabuto is fucked and once Naruto is done with him so is mom." Sasuke's shoulders seemed to slump even lower. "I need some time alone." He spoke to Itachi as he left in a hurry.

Itachi shot a weird look in the direction Sasuke had left wondering what he was talking about before shrugging it off and entering the cave.

What Itachi found Naruto doing to Kabuto was so disturbing that he forced himself from his Edo Tensei body and back into the afterlife.

**Be Very Very Quiet, I'm Hunting MILF.**

Naruto had finally managed to wrangle himself up some Zetsu clones he needed. The shinobi alliance actually seemed pretty effective at killing those things. He had also learned the Edo Tensei technique from Kabuto. It was really surprising how eager Kabuto was to teach him after he had been 'persuaded' to mentor him on the technique.

Naruto had the technique he needed, he had his sacrifices prepared. It was now time. Time to begin his trip down the path of history and to bang some MILF's he wouldn't have been able to before. He stupid grin crossed his face when he figured out exactly where he was going to start.

It was time to fulfil a promise he had to Sasuke. Now Sasuke might not have known he made that promise or would even actually want him to fulfil it but that was beside the point. Naruto was going to bang Sasuke's mom.

He did have a plan to get things going though. For starters Sasuke's mom, Mikoto he believed her name was, had been good friends with his mother. He was going to use that in his plan, hell he was going to resurrect his mother as well just to show here that a man banging a woman was way hotter than two guys going at it. It still almost chilled his soul to think his mother was into that kind of thing.

As the Edo Tensei began Naruto put his plan into action.

As Mikoto became aware of her surroundings she forced herself to open her eyes. She felt as though she had just awoken from a long sleep. After a few moments to reorient herself she found a strange sensation nestled against her chest, seemingly buried deep in her cleavage. Before she could respond by moving the offending object away she heard light sobbing coming from the object as well as some kind of mumbling coming from it.

Looking down she caught sight of a mop of blonde hair that seemed to be nuzzling her chest. The words that were coming from him seemed to be just one word repeated over and over again.

"Mum! Mum! Mum!"

As she continued to confusedly stare at the seemingly young man he finally stopped nuzzling his face into her chest and peered up at her with big watery eyes. After he seemed to look at her for a moment he darted backwards like he had been shocked.

"Oh I'm so sorry! I thought you were my Mum. Damn stupid technique… guess I need to get better at it!"

Finally, able to form some words after being so confused by her awakening she decided first things first she needed to get some answers to her questions.

"How did I get here?"

It seemed to be the most pertinent question she could come up with as the last thing she remembered was being struck down by a crying Itachi.

"Who are you?"

That also seemed like a reasonable question considering what was happening.

Mikoto watched as the young man seemed to pull himself together, scrubbing his teary eyes with his sleeve before speaking.

"I'm very sorry miss. I was just expecting you to be my mother."

Mikoto was quite for a while, taking her time to study this young man. The features were familiar but not quite what she recalled.

"Minato? Is that you?"

The young man seemed to snap his eyes to her face as she spoke.

"Minato was my father… did you know him?"

Internally Mikoto was shocked. Minato and Kushina's child should still only be around 7 years old. What had happened to her to be gone so long? And why was he expecting her to be his mother? Both Minato and Kushina had died the night Kyuubi had gone on a rampage in Konoha.

The confused look must have shown on her face as the young man put a sympathetic look on his face.

"My name is Naruto, son of Minato Namikaze and Kushina Uzumaki. I'm sorry about this. I guess I better start from the beginning."

"…and somehow I must have mixed up some genetic material and revived you instead of my mother. You know the rest."

Mikoto was unsure of what to say after his story was complete. So much had happened since she had passed away. It also turns out that this young man, Naruto, son of her friend Kushina had ended up as teammate to her own son Sasuke. Almost like her friendship with Kushina was destined to continue in their children.

"You know…" Naruto continued while she was pondering to herself. "Sasuke never said his mother was so beautiful."

A flush spread up on her face. While Fugato was not a bad husband or father, he was very stoic and a man of few words. He'd never really complimented her in such a frank way before. Him being her arranged husband meant that no one really had. She was jerked out of her musings when she felt an arm wrap around her shoulders and pull her into a firm chest. She thought about pulling away but it felt so nice and comforting. She barely even noticed the hand slowly tracing up and down her back was getting lower than it should. Or the fact that his ministrations had caused her breasts to crush up against his firm chest and cause her nipples to tighten up.

"This must be rough on you. Maybe I should take you to my tent and let you… work some of this frustration out."

His voice was almost hypnotic and she couldn't find it in herself to refuse his offer. She barely even felt herself be led away.

As they entered his tent Naruto paused for a moment.

"I have one thing to take care of. Make yourself a home."

Mikoto nodded dumbly and moved into the tent.

With Mikoto safely in the tent Naruto summoned his next Zetsu he had stored away and quickly performed Edo Tensei again. This time actually summoning his mother.

"Naruto? Wait… what is going on? How did I get here?"

_Perfect!_ Was Naruto's thoughts as he realised that his Mother's chakra that had been residing inside him had merged back with its original and bought with it the memories of his conversation with her.

"Quiet! Sorry Mum… I'm in a hurry here. I'm going to break you of your fujoshi lifestyle right here and now. You have one order to follow as my Edo Tensei and then you are free to do whatever you want after."

Kushina looked confused and also put out at her son. Confused at what he was talking about and put out that had told her to be quiet.

"You are to hide your presence and watch carefully what is about to occur in this tent. If you feel like joining in during or after don't let me stop you. After that you are free to do what you like."

Kushina, if possible, looked more confused. She was also kind of annoyed when her body stopped her from asking what was going on again and to follow the order Naruto had given her. Her eyes widened at what she saw going on in Naruto's tent.

"Wow…" she was almost speechless. "This is hotter than Naruto and Sasuke getting it on."

Never let it be said that Kushina Uzumaki was one to be held back by fear or indecisiveness. Removing her shirt, she marched into the tent like it was her own. This caused Mikoto to looked up from her position with a red face and almost regretful look.

"Looks like you need another slice of bread for your meat sandwich!" Kushina yelled out before jumping in to join the goings on.

Mikoto at that point gave up. She could never keep up with one Uzumaki let alone two.

"Sasuke!"

It made Sasuke shiver. It was Naruto and he sounded happy. That always meant something bad had just gone down.

"I fulfilled our promise!"

Sasuke's danger sense went to a dull ringing to an ear piercing alarm. Turning to face him he found two women looking completely satisfied hang off his arm. One of them caused him to do a double take.

"Mom!"

Before he could move toward her Naruto appeared beside him wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"Sasuke! I fulfilled our promise!"

This confused Sasuke as he didn't recall making a promise with Naruto. He was hesitant to ask though.

"…What promise?"

If possible Naruto's grin got even wider.

"The one where I promised to bang your mum of course."

"I MADE NO SUCH PROMISE!" Sasuke screamed at him.

"Oh." Naruto said. "Maybe I just made it with myself."

Sasuke looked like he was about to blow a fuse. Before he could though Naruto kept speaking.

"If it makes you feel any better I banged my own mum as well."

It was at this point Sasuke totally lost it as his eyes rolled back into his head and he fell to the ground in a dead faint.

"I think he took that rather will don't you?" Naruto asked while grinning at the two ladies accompanying him.

**Sasuke breaks and gives in.**

It had been the moment Sasuke had been dreading. He never wanted to admit it but it had finally arrived. After the last incident with his mother Naruto had officially won. He had broken him of the last of his pride and he was giving in.

He carried with him a piece of paper. Not just any piece of paper though, it was his declaration of surrender that he had Jirayia and some other seal users help him design. With this piece of paper Naruto will have officially won.

He moved into Naruto's tent and let out a relieved sigh as he found only a shirtless Naruto in it and not his mother or some other woman.

"Oh Sasuke! What brings you here buddy?" asked the ever grinning Naruto.

Sasuke himself took a deep breath. "I have come with my surrender. You win."

Naruto's grin slipped off his face in a rare moment and looked confused. "Surrender? I win? I'm not sure I understand."

Sasuke grit his teeth. "Just shut up and take my declaration of surrender!"

Before Naruto could reply Sasuke performed a technique he had learned from Naruto himself.

"Sexy Jutsu!" Sasuke cried out before being engulfed in a cloud of smoke.

What emerged was a very feminine Sasuke.

Quickly slapping the piece of paper with the seal on it onto his upper arm near the shoulder, Sasuke watched as the seal crawled from the paper onto his arm and sealed his fate.

"There!" the now she cried. "I'm all woman forever. I figured if I can't beat you I might as well join you."

Naruto himself was quite for a period of time causing Sasuke to start squirming some. Naruto continued to stare for no other reason than watching the now female Sasuke squirm was kind of hot. What could he say, she was a cute girl now and he liked cute things. A lot. After he had enough he slowly bought his hand up to his eyes to rub them and mumbled to himself.

"This is not how I thought my first mother and daughter combo would go."

But hey, who was Naruto to complain. Despite what he had mentioned to Sasuke when he had originally taught him the Sexy Jutsu, Naruto didn't really feel weirded out at all at the prospect of giving it to the female Sasuke. He loved the female form and hers was pretty great at the moment. Give her a few more years and she'd be smoking hot.

A massive grin formed upon his face as a fantastic idea came to mind. This caused Sasuke to look away as she knew it was going to be bad.

"You know with my clones and sexy jutsu I could go for the double mother and daughter combo! I am such a genius!"

Naruto stopped and started to ponder something else.

"Actually…" Naruto thought out loud causing Sasuke to look back at him again. "This would have made a certain story make way more sense… with you being a girl from the start."

If Sasuke had not been broken by Naruto after so many years he would have shuddered at the thought.


End file.
